"Always time on my mind" I love & hate you.

I think i don't write much in here because i write a lot of PERSONAL stuff (a.k.a writing about Neil) in an actual book diary, but again, I'm not sorry because I'm pretty sure only Helen & I read my blog entries.

I wrote most of this blog in the back of my photography sketchbook on the bus today, may as well write when inspired to.

Here it goes...

Is there really any reason to have such a complex mind?
Thing is: A massive hatred grows inside of me when I'm unnoticed/forgotten/ etc...
BUT when i get unwanted attention, whether its perversion, a disrespectful glance, or I've been put on the spot...I want to run,

which is fair enough, right?

I think it's just confusing when one person adores you, every little bit about you and then the next person can't stand even the thought of you. Cherished by one & trashed by the next.

I almost feel overloaded?
... Overloaded with every type of emotion. How do you express love & hate at the same time? It's like being wet & dry at the same time... or... trying to walk left and right at the same time. I don't particularly want a compromise either.
I'm quite an honest person, so honesty is my policy type thing.......... so, why should i pretend? I don't know.... It's like with Neil, i love him, but find him annoying sometimes. But I can't feel both at the same time, can I? Oh my word, I'm MUMMBBBLLINNGGG.

I could murder, but it's balanced out with compassionate affection & nurturing care.
& feeling sick is a way of the body notifying the brain that there's something wrong downstairs.
The actually being sick is part of the healing process, getting rid of the rubbish.

You make all things work together for my good, Father!

So many petty pointless queries, but totally necessary.
Think.

Whaddup wid diz chick...

I haven't wrote a blog in a long time, I don't need to apologise because NO ONE READS THEM! Aha.
Anyway,
So I slept in, and it felt good, apart from i couldn't toss and turn because I have NEW PIERCINGS.

Yes...

It was a random, spur of the moment type thing.
Basically, I had a cash card that was boring and could only take money out of walls, so Dad helped me get a Debit card, i then managed to block my pin by trying to change it in the wrong place, and then i ordered a new pin and went shopping as soon as the new number came through.
I got a HOLLISTER hoodie -picture attached, mmmine- (the clearance is good) that shop smells and looks sooo naice!
I got 3 different mascaras
some VASELINE
& 2 ear piercings.
Another top cartilage
and a 2nd on my left lobe. Yes, the word lobe makes me lol.

WOW THIS STORY IS BORING.

I have redder hair again, mehehehee.
I also get angry.
I. do. not. like. it.
So I've forced myself to involve Jesus more, I'm reading John atm because i figured Jesus talks himself in the gospels, I just want to hear Jesus, no one else. Thanks.

I continuously get nightmares, what's up with that?
I pray them away, and i get them still.
Last night i saw my grandma die over and over again. :\
Eugh.
So wrong.

One day, someone will read this and think, "Whaddup wid diz chick?"
Actually.. i doubt that, i hope that doesn't happen.. because that person needs to learn to SPEAK properly.

Yep.
I just farted. ACE OF SPADES.