:

The past.

So heavy; too precious to drop.

Will it become worthless if dropped?
It does not deserve to become worthless.

So much effort put into it.
Has nothing come out of it?
Do the strings need to be kept attached?

I give it to you, Daddy!
You will guard my past.
Only good things come from you,

allow me to only see the good from it now.

Tell me when to let go..

Loneliness.

I need you.
I never want to lose sight of you.

There is an immediate drop of happiness because of a casual trip into the world.
Life is preferable when Jesus is in it.

I never want to go back to my old life
where Jesus was a side dish with every other meal I consumed.

It is so obvious when I have not dug into my daily relationship with my father.

I feel alone.
& I leave myself there, sobbing.

Then a one flash reminder appears --
‘Come back to me, Anna’.
- - resuscitation.

How can I forget to breathe?
Why did I choose loneliness over daughterhood.

Free time scares me.

It all comes down to a choice of either:
- I am accepted.
or
- I am lonely.

In writing I would quite clearly choose the prior of the statements.
However, a lot of the time I have chosen the latter.

It says in John 16

‘Yet I am not alone, for the Father is with me.
I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace.
In the world you will have tribulation.
But take heart; I have overcome the world’.

Every little thing is going to be alright.

‘I need you more’ – Bethel
I recommend this song.

Change

A whole different person?
Time flies … only to go slow.
If time just moved then it would not feel slow or like it flew…

Does that make me impatient?
Waiting. For what? For something I knew before but do not have now.
…but know will be in the future.

Who are you?

Do I have to choose between God and a husband?
I should not have to.

But I am close to God now. So much more involved with him; more than I ever was.
When love falls, there is only one in sight.

Love is so huge. Different loves.
Train the heart to be able to experience different loves at the same time.

No imagination for being with God and a husband.
- not that there is a husband anywhere about.

I want to be ready though. Is that okay?
I am scared.

Daddy, stay with me. Will looking at you stop me from seeing romance?
No.
I am waiting. Like you told me to, Daddy.

Is Nostalgia a good thing?
Definition: A sentimental longing for the past, typically for a period or place with happy personal associations

I am moving forward and backwards. Typically the moving backwards happens at night when there is too much time alone. The moving forwards is in the day time where looking at you is so beautiful; my heart is changing.


You changed my heart, Daddy.

Not only that, you changed my mind!

MY MIND!

My mind was a battlefield. Now it is a playground.

I am Scared. Happy. Sad. Confused. but Found and Excited.

Lets start this again.

So it's been a while.. over a year? I'm not sure.

Quick catch up...
- I'm at university studying childhood and youth studies

( I never thought I would go to university ).
- Neil & I broke up 7 months ago on good terms.
- My all inspiring Grandma died this Christmas eve just gone.
- God continuously flips my world upside down.

I want to share my revelations as they come, on here.
They seem to come a lot at the moment and others have said they enjoy my blogs,

(thank you, you guys!)

I hopefully won't be as depressive as I was - reading back my previous blogs from like a year or 2 ago was weird.. I feel like I've changed a lot since then.

So much more free.
Thank you, Father!

WATCH THIS SPACE.