When will it be real?

A nice word said.
Attention given.
Persistent.

Give it back, and there's a smile.
This continues.

.. but for how long?

How many times?
How many times can it be given for it only to stop?
What made it stop?


Now there is giving back but nothing originally given..
Rooted in something empty.
Deceived to think it was something full.

Smile fallen.
Reality realised.
Truth recognised.

Repentance.
Sorry.
Acceptance.
Love found.



Love, please stay.

Nervous

I am not sure there really is a word for what this feeling is:

Beginning with words like..

Nervous
Scared
Anxious
Confused..

but then that does not seem to cover the actual feeling.

Is it a struggle?
or a state.. a season.. or an unsettlement..

It does not feel good.

Which is why it needs confronting..

but how can I confront it if I cannot put words to it?
WHAT IS THIS FEELING?

Is it the unknown?
Is it dissatisfaction? 

The only thing I know to do is turn to what is true now. 

I am living.
I have necessities to live.

I have everything I need.

Is it selfishness then?
Or am I missing the point... 

Turn it back to you;
teach me to remember, God.

I want to love and treat you right.