When will it be real?

A nice word said.
Attention given.
Persistent.

Give it back, and there's a smile.
This continues.

.. but for how long?

How many times?
How many times can it be given for it only to stop?
What made it stop?


Now there is giving back but nothing originally given..
Rooted in something empty.
Deceived to think it was something full.

Smile fallen.
Reality realised.
Truth recognised.

Repentance.
Sorry.
Acceptance.
Love found.



Love, please stay.

Nervous

I am not sure there really is a word for what this feeling is:

Beginning with words like..

Nervous
Scared
Anxious
Confused..

but then that does not seem to cover the actual feeling.

Is it a struggle?
or a state.. a season.. or an unsettlement..

It does not feel good.

Which is why it needs confronting..

but how can I confront it if I cannot put words to it?
WHAT IS THIS FEELING?

Is it the unknown?
Is it dissatisfaction? 

The only thing I know to do is turn to what is true now. 

I am living.
I have necessities to live.

I have everything I need.

Is it selfishness then?
Or am I missing the point... 

Turn it back to you;
teach me to remember, God.

I want to love and treat you right.

Don't give up, don't settle.

Don't give up.
Don't settle.

It looks so similar,
but in the long run it doesn't.
One cripples and one flourishes.
One lasts; the other fades.

Which one do you choose when there's one that has a wait.
Do I go for the now? It says I'm beautiful.
It says I shouldn't be alone.
It says it will provide... but for how long?
Or shall I go for the wait?
We won't meet for a while, but it'll be full.
It'll be real and it'll be new.

Don't give up.
Don't settle.

The world is telling you lies,
Happiness was made to last;
Joy was meant to reign;
You haven't been left unfinished.
You're whole already. 

Finish your unfinished laughter.
Fulfil your cut-off smiles.
Re-new your misplaced love.

Let go, lets live now.

dirt

Just a little more self respect...
How many times have you cleansed me, God, only to saturate myself in dirt once more.

Why is there no limit to your forgiveness?
I am so unworthy.

I am dirt.
Is that why I long to cover myself in it?
I actually belong there.

Jesus.. I do not even deserve to say your name.

If I say your name it would be like picking up a clean white sheet with dripping wet muddy hands.

God.
Protect others from my lack of respect.
Protect myself from myself.

I am the one person I want to escape from,
and I can't.

Let me alone rather than near a muddy pool..
even though it is more than what I deserve.

PLEASE CONTROL ME.

Rejection

A banner held above my head warning people to stay away.


A smell around me that people think will pass, therefore stick around to found out that it does not, and then leave.


An unspoken rule that one must not speak to me over a certain length of time.


They come; searching; trying to win; start succeeding; taste and touch; compliment then leave...



I just don't understand. 

WILL YOU NOT FIGHT FOR ME?
WILL YOU NOT STAY WITH ME?
Sour, self conscious,
degrading, heavy,
disrespectful, left unexplained,

..so frustrating. 

-

intimacy :

in-to-me-see

|

an old couple tend to

look, act, speak and move

like each other.

they've spent a lot of time together

Who are you rooted in?

He makes me so cool.

Cheers, Abba.

Identity

Sometimes we feel underminded..

'You're just Anna, what can you do?'

Encountering Jesus means you become one with him.
Jesus can do anything and everything.

Therefore I can do anything and everything.
--What is true of him is true of me.

If you believe yourself to be something you behave like it.
If you believe you're a mouse: you will behave like a mouse.
If you believe you're a lion: you will behave like a lion...

Then why is that in my mind I KNOW I am a daughter of the God!
In my heart it sings with love from him and to him.

.. Time to believe it, Anna.
& act like it.

My brother wrote on his wedding party list
Anna: sister of the groom, cake baker and voice of SOUL!

Wow. He can see that in me even when I'm hiding - imagine what that would look like if I actually believed it!?

Anyone in Christ is a new creation.
The old has gone, the new has come.

-- time to get rid of the old wardrobe and wear your new garments,
made especially to make you look and be GREAT! (:

Keeping the old clothes is only restricting yourself which restricts him.

Who are you?

I know that you're so incredible.
Do you believe it?