Don't give up, don't settle.

Don't give up.
Don't settle.

It looks so similar,
but in the long run it doesn't.
One cripples and one flourishes.
One lasts; the other fades.

Which one do you choose when there's one that has a wait.
Do I go for the now? It says I'm beautiful.
It says I shouldn't be alone.
It says it will provide... but for how long?
Or shall I go for the wait?
We won't meet for a while, but it'll be full.
It'll be real and it'll be new.

Don't give up.
Don't settle.

The world is telling you lies,
Happiness was made to last;
Joy was meant to reign;
You haven't been left unfinished.
You're whole already. 

Finish your unfinished laughter.
Fulfil your cut-off smiles.
Re-new your misplaced love.

Let go, lets live now.

dirt

Just a little more self respect...
How many times have you cleansed me, God, only to saturate myself in dirt once more.

Why is there no limit to your forgiveness?
I am so unworthy.

I am dirt.
Is that why I long to cover myself in it?
I actually belong there.

Jesus.. I do not even deserve to say your name.

If I say your name it would be like picking up a clean white sheet with dripping wet muddy hands.

God.
Protect others from my lack of respect.
Protect myself from myself.

I am the one person I want to escape from,
and I can't.

Let me alone rather than near a muddy pool..
even though it is more than what I deserve.

PLEASE CONTROL ME.

Rejection

A banner held above my head warning people to stay away.


A smell around me that people think will pass, therefore stick around to found out that it does not, and then leave.


An unspoken rule that one must not speak to me over a certain length of time.


They come; searching; trying to win; start succeeding; taste and touch; compliment then leave...



I just don't understand. 

WILL YOU NOT FIGHT FOR ME?
WILL YOU NOT STAY WITH ME?
Sour, self conscious,
degrading, heavy,
disrespectful, left unexplained,

..so frustrating. 

-

intimacy :

in-to-me-see

|

an old couple tend to

look, act, speak and move

like each other.

they've spent a lot of time together

Who are you rooted in?

He makes me so cool.

Cheers, Abba.

Identity

Sometimes we feel underminded..

'You're just Anna, what can you do?'

Encountering Jesus means you become one with him.
Jesus can do anything and everything.

Therefore I can do anything and everything.
--What is true of him is true of me.

If you believe yourself to be something you behave like it.
If you believe you're a mouse: you will behave like a mouse.
If you believe you're a lion: you will behave like a lion...

Then why is that in my mind I KNOW I am a daughter of the God!
In my heart it sings with love from him and to him.

.. Time to believe it, Anna.
& act like it.

My brother wrote on his wedding party list
Anna: sister of the groom, cake baker and voice of SOUL!

Wow. He can see that in me even when I'm hiding - imagine what that would look like if I actually believed it!?

Anyone in Christ is a new creation.
The old has gone, the new has come.

-- time to get rid of the old wardrobe and wear your new garments,
made especially to make you look and be GREAT! (:

Keeping the old clothes is only restricting yourself which restricts him.

Who are you?

I know that you're so incredible.
Do you believe it?

:

The past.

So heavy; too precious to drop.

Will it become worthless if dropped?
It does not deserve to become worthless.

So much effort put into it.
Has nothing come out of it?
Do the strings need to be kept attached?

I give it to you, Daddy!
You will guard my past.
Only good things come from you,

allow me to only see the good from it now.

Tell me when to let go..

Loneliness.

I need you.
I never want to lose sight of you.

There is an immediate drop of happiness because of a casual trip into the world.
Life is preferable when Jesus is in it.

I never want to go back to my old life
where Jesus was a side dish with every other meal I consumed.

It is so obvious when I have not dug into my daily relationship with my father.

I feel alone.
& I leave myself there, sobbing.

Then a one flash reminder appears --
‘Come back to me, Anna’.
- - resuscitation.

How can I forget to breathe?
Why did I choose loneliness over daughterhood.

Free time scares me.

It all comes down to a choice of either:
- I am accepted.
or
- I am lonely.

In writing I would quite clearly choose the prior of the statements.
However, a lot of the time I have chosen the latter.

It says in John 16

‘Yet I am not alone, for the Father is with me.
I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace.
In the world you will have tribulation.
But take heart; I have overcome the world’.

Every little thing is going to be alright.

‘I need you more’ – Bethel
I recommend this song.

Change

A whole different person?
Time flies … only to go slow.
If time just moved then it would not feel slow or like it flew…

Does that make me impatient?
Waiting. For what? For something I knew before but do not have now.
…but know will be in the future.

Who are you?

Do I have to choose between God and a husband?
I should not have to.

But I am close to God now. So much more involved with him; more than I ever was.
When love falls, there is only one in sight.

Love is so huge. Different loves.
Train the heart to be able to experience different loves at the same time.

No imagination for being with God and a husband.
- not that there is a husband anywhere about.

I want to be ready though. Is that okay?
I am scared.

Daddy, stay with me. Will looking at you stop me from seeing romance?
No.
I am waiting. Like you told me to, Daddy.

Is Nostalgia a good thing?
Definition: A sentimental longing for the past, typically for a period or place with happy personal associations

I am moving forward and backwards. Typically the moving backwards happens at night when there is too much time alone. The moving forwards is in the day time where looking at you is so beautiful; my heart is changing.


You changed my heart, Daddy.

Not only that, you changed my mind!

MY MIND!

My mind was a battlefield. Now it is a playground.

I am Scared. Happy. Sad. Confused. but Found and Excited.

Lets start this again.

So it's been a while.. over a year? I'm not sure.

Quick catch up...
- I'm at university studying childhood and youth studies

( I never thought I would go to university ).
- Neil & I broke up 7 months ago on good terms.
- My all inspiring Grandma died this Christmas eve just gone.
- God continuously flips my world upside down.

I want to share my revelations as they come, on here.
They seem to come a lot at the moment and others have said they enjoy my blogs,

(thank you, you guys!)

I hopefully won't be as depressive as I was - reading back my previous blogs from like a year or 2 ago was weird.. I feel like I've changed a lot since then.

So much more free.
Thank you, Father!

WATCH THIS SPACE.